So...What do we do now?

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Listen...Listen

Heard someone say the other day that they didn't trust "anyone." It made me so sad for a couple of reasons. First, that they put others on such a pedestal that they can never make a mistake, and secondly, that maybe they are just waiting for that "other shoe to drop." Like they knew all along that someday it would happen. I, myself don't like being put in a place where I start feeling almost nonhuman; you know that walking on eggshells thing, and Hoof & Mouth disease ridden? I realize that others look to me for many different things, for my input, my perception, my thoughts on spiritual things, but even all this can only be taken as truth once you've researched it for yourself. Knowing where real Truth is found is the answer, and I do try to point them that way. There have been so many times that I have asked God, "why me?" Why do I have to run the risk of letting another down, or disappointing and hurting them? Why can't I just be a regular gal too? I forgive, why can't others? Why does the acid in my gut bother me so much longer than anyone else? Getting angry is such a dead ended reaction. Rationalizing and justifying don't make the cut either. I just know that when I propose all these questions to God, He consistently says the same thing..."Why not you?" I think of all the men and women in the Bible that lived lives full of poor decisions, of rash decisions, and didn't learn their lessons any easier than most of us. Life can certainly become complicated sometimes, especially when we have absolutely zero room for anything else to be happening. I believe that simplicity is what God intended...in our day to day lives, and especially in our relationships, and I long for it. When I read scriptures like, "greater is He that is in me, than He that is in the world," "Love one another as I have loved you," "be not conformed to this world, but be transformed...," "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another..." and the list goes on and on and on, I am sure that we all make it way too hard. Satan likes that. He likes it when we loose heart, or hope, and don't believe that there is any way out. What's it say? "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen." We are definitely in God's "darkroom," and He is developing us, even though there are times that I get to feeling like a double exposure! Great word picture, don't you think? Thank God, that these bumps in the road are not the end, but just a part of our journey. My good friend Sue had a very timely blog today on her website (www.welcomeheart.com) and wrote, "sometimes God uses all sorts of things to remind us that He wants our attention --I need to go move up my chair to get a better look." "Listen, listen to Me . . .give ear and come to Me; that your soul may live."
(Isaiah 55:2,3) Sometimes it takes two "listen's," doesn't it?

Solitute...well, kind of.

I am preparing to leave for a few days for some solitute, or at the very least, a change of scenery. Lindsay has been here for a long overdue visit before she takes her leave for San Francisco. She will be entering an internship at an architectural firm there for eleven wks. I miss her still, even though she has been out from under our roof for almost five years now. I was sharing with her this a.m. that all the changes that surround this time of life for me seem to have more "teeth" to them. I've become pretty flexible, I think, but every once in a while, as in this once in a while, I find myself tensing up a little. My baby (25) is moving to a big city and will be going it completely alone. Is she apprehensive? That would be a resounding NO!, which makes me feel a little better, I guess. Ah, what danger lurks to snatch up my young. I reminded her this morning that she had been given back to God when she was just a baby, and I do not, nor can I, take her back. What safer arms could she be in than that of her heavenly Father's? But, humanly speaking, I am just not that good at completely letting go. Thankfully, He knows that, and patiently goes about His business of refining us both in this sometimes painful process. I think now, after writing this, that this dilemma has been what has been in part, bothering me for the past several days. I have been trying to put my finger on what the problem was...teary, unsettled, feeling somewhat a failure in most things, sometimes hopeless, allowing my emptiness to bleed over into other important relationships that could make me feel better about myself, but weren't up to the task. This blogging stuff can be somewhat cathartic, I guess. Thank you, God!
Well, back to my plans...I'm going to the mountains, and look forward to lots of talking, sharing, walking, laughing, & spending time with some friends. I can smell the pine already. Guess my biggest problem now is to find my sweats. So, now to the task. Thanks for visiting.
Maybe you have a "burr under your saddle" that you can't understand. Put yourself in a place where God can talk to you, uninterrupted....He will!

Psalm 121:1-4

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains. Where will my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth. He will not let your feet go out from under you. He Who watches over you will not sleep. Listen, He Who watches over Israel will not close his eyes or sleep.

Important Days to Remember...

Sometimes I am reminded vividly of what the Apostle Paul said & here's a song from an old musical, written in his paraphrased words..."That which I would not, that do I do, my spirit's weak and waverin', whoops! There it flew. My sin is creeping over me, I'm covered up with flesh, the carnal man's controllin' me, I just a bunch of mesh..."
Some of you out there in cyberspace may have fallen prey to my email this a.m. After waking to check my AOL box, and the first thing I see is Ms. Rosie O'Donnell's ever changing face as she is spewing her opinion of Gov. Palin, I just lost all reason and wrote down how this has affected me. Sometimes we do and say such strange things when we feel our way of life is threatened. Take Matt Damon for instance. I was just a bit taken back when he shared his outlook as well. Since when, did we regress back to our early childhood? Remember the days when there was always a mean kid on your block or the playground? A child who's only mission in life was to intimidate and control others that were weak in any way. Do any of you see the parallel? Well, as soon as I hit the "send" key for that email, I started getting responses. Don't get me wrong, since that was precisely my point. However, so far I have seen that this whole political upheaval that we are witnessing is directly due to fear. That's all. It has not as much to do with issues, or character, or integrity, but in my opinion has to do with the fear of being found out, and/or seen for who we really are. You know how quickly days, weeks, months and years pass by the older we get? Well, the reality that this life will come to an end and we will be held accountable according to what we do is staring many in the face. This is for some a hard pill to swallow. Especially when that isn't the way most people live. "Eat, drink, & be merry, for tomorrow we die(or not)!" When Barack Obama first came on the scene he was pretty persuasive, wasn't he? No one was judging his lack of experience then, but many were upset with President Bush. Then the longer we watched him as he approached different stages of his political venue, we saw him make judgments that we had to make choices about. To salute or not salute the flag, to wear or not to wear a flag lapel pin, to remove the flag from his official airplane and replace it with his personal insignia, to vacillate about his opinions so to keep the "masses" happy, to lack decisive ideas that he has stayed with to this day, to answer questions with questions, etc., etc., etc. Does he seem like a "nice guy?" Sure...but when it comes down to true and decisive leadership, is that what we want?
My blogs are usually more about my own personal journey with my God, but I really believe that this election is very important to Him, because of it's importance to us in so many ways. I really believe that this is an opportune time for us to "have an answer for every man (woman, child,) for the hope that is within us". I Peter 3:15 & "Be on your guard and stay awake. Your enemy, the devil, is like a roaring lion, sneaking around to find someone to attack." I Peter 5:8
"Greater is He that is in me, than He that is in the World." I John 4:4
Happy Hunting...as in Good Will!

He giveth...and giveth...and giveth again.

Tuesday mornings are good for me...or should I say they turn out to be good for me. Accountability is everything, right? I meet with some very special friends on these mornings. We just finished both "Captivating" & "Wild at Heart." I know these books are controversial, but after reading them and discussing them at great depth, I've decided that God could, if He wanted to, show me areas that were still in need of surrender to Him. I went, not expecting, but ready to ask the hard questions and willing to take His answers. Being transparent is sometimes, no, most times a hard thing to be. I've discovered that all it entails is being really truthful & willing to make the necessary changes. We like to "sugar coat" a lot about ourselves, don't we? This is why Jesus came and literally lived his life in front of us. Not one time have I ever read that He said what we wanted to hear, or acted in a way that was politically correct. However, He did always please his Father. The overwhelming message that has been given to us is that everything that has been put in place since creation, has been done because of His great, expansive, inexhaustible, unchanging love for each of us. This love is what He wants us to experience. These next several weeks (or months), we will be reading through the first five books of the Bible. This morning we hardly scratched the surface, just getting through Creation and have left poor Noah & family just leaving the Ark for the first time following the flood. Everything must have looked so strange to them after their time inside that Ark. This is where I want to start again...Like everything is new, exciting, and different. A new day in my Journey with Jesus and my friends (whom I wouldn't trade for the world.) We are starting over ....in the Beginning. God's grace to Noah, his family, and to us, is never ending. Remember, there were only eight people in that huge ship, with God only knows how many animals. No one else would listen. If only, all that were left behind had taken advantage of His Grace in time. When we focus on that grace and love, our perspective is bright...like the rainbow. His Covenant to us. Take a look or if you know the song, hum these words of one of my favorite hymns. I think they fit!

He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials His multiplied peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power has no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

Loving some quiet time...

Yeah!!! It's Sat. morning and I am totally enjoying some quiet for just a little while. Yesterday was actually very productive in several ways. Trying to get somewhat settled in our new digs has been challenging to say the least. I had a yard sale and managed to get rid of some of the larger things. Mostly neighbors came by, which was fun since I was able to meet them on my turf and promote business at the same time. Think I will put some things out again in the afternoon for a few hours since it's the week-end and see if I get any more takers. I have found out that I am not a saver. Wayne keeps every little paper and receipt, I, on the other hand, am a thrower awayer. Now don't start judging me yet, I do have some old cards, special gifts, pictures that are special to me, but come-on now, if I kept everything that comes my way, and added that to his "memories," I wouldn't be able to walk to the front door! The old adage, "What you can't see, you don't miss (just made that up)" is reasonable to me. After all, if you've kept something in a box in the attic for the last nine years, and have forgotten it's even there, then how can you miss it? Get my drift?
I think I like the idea of purging on a regular basis. Not the body kind, since I'm not good at starving myself, but the "stuff" kind. Just the thought that my kids would have to rummage through all sorts of my things, after doing it for both sets of parents, is almost enough to promote the gagging reflex. How about if I just ask them now about what they do or don't want, and I don't have room for I get rid of? Now what about that is irrational?
Any picture of Jesus I've ever seen, I don't ever recall seeing one of him toting a box, or a suitcase, a backpack, or even a fanny pack. Life is too short and there's too much to do to be incumbered by anything that takes our time away from the really important things in life that God has given us to do. Can you tell that I've been thinking about this alot these past weeks? Remember, in the Gospels when Jesus enlisted Peter, James & John to be his disciples? What did he say? "Drop your nets (& all that entails) and come and follow me..." He asks all of us to leave what we perceive is security for us, i.e. the THINGS that WE surround ourselves with, and trust Him to add what we NEED, in order to be the best US that we can be according to His riches in glory. Now after pondering on that thought, this sounds like an incredible trade-off for us, right? Remember Jer. 29:11? "I know the plans I have for you, plans for a hope and a future..." Psa. 34:10 "Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing." So, maybe you would join me in "throwing off the things that sideline us." It really is freeing. Nuff said. Thanks for spending time with me, hope your week-end is full of personal blessings and valuable trade-offs.

I need to go to bed...

What is it about me that I can't keep my eyes open in the mid afternoon and then I'm ready to go once the clock strikes ten. Give me a job to do and I'll tackle it while the moon is shining. I'm having a yard sale tomorrow morning starting at 7 a.m. I can guarantee you that when my alarm rings at six I won't be willing and my flesh will be weak. But my garage is overfull and all the cars are in the driveway. Backwards wouldn't you say? Guess if I can rid myself of some of the big stuff it will at least give us room to organize and go forward. This business of "downsizing" has it's perks though. Smaller house, one story, more room outside, a pool that we all love, closets that are empty still...sounds good, doesn't it? I've always wanted to live in the country where the lights come from the sky at night. No streetlamps, no sidewalks, lots of trees, and neighbors that appreciate the lack of the city hustle-bustle. We have an acre here that nurtures 32 fruit trees, some grape vines, and I have been resurrecting the rose bushes successfully. Cut some flowers and brought them into the house two nights ago.
Andrew bought his first car a few days ago. Found it on Craig's list (gotta love that site) for $500...the seller took $400. Has a good 6 cyl. engine & a 5 spd. transmission. He's been working on it and enjoying the freedom he has with it. Just an old jeep, but after painting it flat black with a jillion spray cans, installing a stereo system, replacing a side window that he broke from one he found at a junk yard, and putting some good old fashioned elbow grease into it, he now has a vehicle that even the previous owner wouldn't recognize on the street. I'm very proud of him! He's had alot of help from his buddies ,and of course his Dad, but he's been in charge. Nothing like a first car for a guy.
Don't ask me why but the verse in James 1:17 comes to my mind, "Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow." Reminds me of my house here in the country, where I can look up and see the brightness of the sky at night and of God's goodness to give my only son a car that, altho it is anything but perfect, fits the bill and he is having fun with it. It's so good to know that our God is in the details!

A little Meloncholy today...

This morning has not gone very smoothly. Woke up to the dogs barking and people shouting. One of those "where am I" moments. Put me in a pensive mood to say the least. Didn't get home until after midnight from the sprint car races lastnight. Great races, wonderful company, but kind of felt unusually melancholy when I found myself looking at my "kids" all growing up. My own three have already stepped over that thresh hold and these babies, now 9, 6, 4, & 3, are all going to start school in one more day. I don't hate to see them grow up, but I do hate that they aren't babies anymore. They all hold intelligent conversations, deal with their own relationships, are learning what it is to be decisive, as well as experience the consequenses thereof, talk back, vasilate between independance and babyhood, etc. Most of all it is a little sad to me that I have to nurture my relationship with them as they struggle and grow to become themselves. Does that make sense? Change isn't usually that hard for me, but for some reason I'm thinking it would be so much easier to just have those that matter most always see you in the same light. Maybe it's acceptance of who we are that I'm talking about. If we love someone why can't they always just love back? Love is a risk, isn't it? People change. Guess this is Life Lesson #2,259...God is teaching me again today, starting with lastnight, that the only thing secure is his love, his faithfulness, his acceptance, because He alone knows me. All that I am is of the utmost importance to Him. My friend Paul the apostle puts it well, "I know I have no regrets. I couldn't be more sure of my ground—the One I've trusted in can take care of what he's trusted me to do right to the end," II Tim. 1:12...even at times if I look like that cat hanging from the branch by his claws!

Here is something a friend sent me today... A timely reminder.
The most beautiful rainbow As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.